My wife loves the show Project Runway. I guess it's the fashion that attracts her. It's not like has any desire to make any clothes, nor would she wear any of the stuff they make. But, she loves the show.
As newlyweds a few years ago, I tried to watch the show with her once. You know how it is when you're a newlywed -- you want to do everything together. I just couldn't do it. I ended up playing video games in our loft at our former house instead.
Now, our house has more rooms and room, so I don't have to be in a loft with the TV turned down very quietly. Instead, I have my office at the top of the stairs off our den.
In either place, though, I still hear Tim Gunn's voice.
If you're not familiar, Gunn is the mentor to the designers on the show. He is the man who walks through the design room and generally rips the designs that are being pursued to shreds. Project Runway pretty much is his show, with Heidi Klum providing the Teutonic beauty and meanness that only a German can provide.
And, tonight, Tim Gunn seems to the the right guy to introduce "The Prince Fielder Collection" from the card show on Sunday. All the quotes I'm using are from the video below.
"Chop Chop Chop"
Those three words must have been in the minds of Topps' card designers when they and others thought of the relic cards. They chopped up whatever undershirt that they used for that 2011 Lineage Mini Relic card, and they chopped up that piece of wood for the Ginter insert. "Chop Chop Chop! We need more relics!"
"Like a Halter Diaper"
The long-sleeved blue shirt under the baggy blue Brewers jersey reminds me of a loose, saggy diaper for some reason, but without the gathers at the ends to keep stuff inside. Not to be Mr. Fashion Critic, but Prince, really -- the loose shirt doesn't hide the fact that you still need to lose a little weight. I'm a pretty big guy too, and I know baggy does not equal "everyone thinks you're thin!"
And even the shininess on a Bowman Platinum can't hide that.
"Designers. Designers. Designers?"
As in, "What in the hell where these card designers thinking?" On the Allen & Ginter Mini, Prince looks like an extra floating by Dave and HAL in 2001: A Space Odyssey. I hate orange, generally, so the Goudey is not a good idea in my book -- especially with Prince so off-center. The Topps National Chicle looks like Sinbad got fat. The black-and-white card looks like a poorly done custom card.
The sketch card by Dick Perez....um...not Mr. Perez's best work. It has all the looks of Vince Vaughn acting today -- you know what I mean. That look of "I'm getting paid for this, right? It doesn't matter if this crap we're recording is any good, I still get a paycheck, right?"
And, as for that Topps 206, I guess I am just not a big fan of cards with a solid color background.
"Exuberance. Sophisticated."
"What Is THAT?"
So, yeah, the photo behind the batting cage makes me feel like Topps/Bowman mailed it in. They couldn't be bothered to find a photo of his face, or in game action. And they wanted to be Ar-Tis-Tic with this photo. I think it just looks crappy.
And Prince Fielder fielding a ball -- even a popup -- reminds all of us why the Fielder family's natural habitat is hitting four times a game and watching the rest of the game from the bench.
It's more ironic than anything Alanis Morissette ever sang.
"Go Go Go"
I lost patience and interest in my own artificial construct for this post. My apologies. At least Tim Gunn gave me that out.
"This Has the Potential for a bit of Wow Factor."
I was looking for a card to use this line, and then I realized that a card would not do that justice. The real wow factor here was that I got all these cards for around $5. I know -- wait 10 years and these will probably be in the dime boxes at a flea market somewhere near New Lenox. But to get all these additions to my player collection for Prince at that price made me pretty happy.
Now, if I can just get Tim Gunn's voice out of my head.
